Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My feet surprised me
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