there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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