So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
