Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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