I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
