five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
