I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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