his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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