I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
