my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
