Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
