my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
