I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
