just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
