The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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