To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
