you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
