Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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