A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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