Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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