Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
