dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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