Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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