Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
