you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
