Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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