So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
