I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
