I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
