the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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