dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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