god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
