why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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