alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
