so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
