Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
