I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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