just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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