mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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