He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
