I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
