pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
