he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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