Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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