I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Drake has all the answers
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
