The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
