how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
