1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
