don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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