I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
