she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
