glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
